Silence and Patience

These words have had a huge impact on my week as our team started Pre Field Orientation (PFO). In preparation for this week, PFO, and this summer I wasn't too fond of silence. I would take the occasional hour to spend with the Lord but focusing on spending intentional time in silence was not on my agenda. Personally, I fall into the line of always having noise. Whether music, conversations, videos on my phone, I am surrounded by noise. Many times I can't change the fact that there's noise. More often than not, I fill the silence to take my mind off of the things that are stressing me out or giving me anxiety. I found that silence was an ongoing theme the Lord was trying to teach me. 

On one of our last days of orientation, we spent time by ourselves at a park. Early on in the week God revealed Matthew 6:34, “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” When I found somewhere quiet and secluded, my mind started running through all of the stress and anxiety this week has brought. From still not receiving my passport in time to leave with my team, to just stresses of the summer and a lot of unknowns, the Lord quickly reminded me that this time was to be spent with Him. Quiet. Silent. Not to run down my list of everything I need Him to fix, but to just be in His presence. To walk hand and hand with Him. Embracing the silence. This has brought  so much peace over my worry and anxiety. 

Patience has been hard to have over the past two weeks. In March I sent in my application to renew my passport. The expected wait is 4-6 weeks, unfortunately there were a lot of complications with this process and one week before PFO, my passport was denied. After some phone calls and emails with our Congressman’s office, I was told to apply for a brand new passport, 2 days before I was supposed to start PFO. I truly felt helpless in this season of waiting. There was nothing I could do but wait for someone else to fix my problem. All I wanted to do was hide. Hide from the constant asking about my passport. Hide from the anxiety and worry. There was a point during PFO that I wanted to blame God. I was so tired of people telling me to pray about it, to pray harder and just trust God. I was tired of not being able to change anything about my situation. All I can do is wait. 

I wish I could say that my passport came just in time for my flight on Sunday, but unfortunately it didn’t and I am still waiting to meet my team in the Middle East. I wish I had my miracle moment this week. All I can do is trust Him every morning. Trust that He will use this for His Glory and to help others see the miraculous ways He can move mountains. I am believing for this passport to come, and hope you would pray alongside me for the Lord to move! 

This isn’t the happy ending we all hoped for, at least not yet; but learning to praise, wait, and have peace in the waiting is good. Uncomfortable is not always bad.